Day 450: 8/12/20

Donald Trump wanted to make sure I woke up knowing who Joe Biden’s running mate was.


For all new readers: Welcome! I am currently on the mailing lists of Joe Biden and Donald Trump, though I have previously been on the mailing lists of 28 Democratic candidates! This blog breaks down recent emails with charts and excerpts. If you already know all of this, feel free to skip to the next chart!

It took some time for the Trump emails to kick in, so I started officially tracking his list on July 7. I have been tracking Biden’s for longer, but I will start comparing them as of July 7. All of these emails are going to a new email, and I have not donated, filled out surveys, signed petitions, or otherwise interacted with either candidate’s emails.

The rules I try to follow for the various categories are laid out in The Framework.

Five times as many emails.

While Donald Trump sent 10 emails on Wednesday, Joe Biden only sent 2.

Biden’s VP pick was opponent campaigning to Trump

Of those 12 emails, 9 of them were about Kamala Harris. The other 3 involved Trump trying to get me to join his various membership clubs, including one of which my invite had PERMANENTLY EXPIRED several weeks ago.

Any excuse to make money.

While Biden encouraged me to donate to support Harris, Harris encouraged me to sign up to signal that I was all-in with her and Biden.

Trump, meanwhile, wanted me to give money (that he would TOTALLY match, really, honestly), wanted me to sign a petition REJECTING Biden’s horrible pick, and wanted me to take a survey in which I assured him that I identified as an American, not as a socialist.

It was genuinely the first question.

The survey went on, as the ONLY non-biased survey, to ask such questions like:

I can’t possibly see bias in any of these questions.

This was hardly the only horrible thing Trump sent on Wednesday.

Biden is excited for a new phase. Trump just hates.

Trump sent out email after email blasting slow Joe (see, it rhymes, so much nicer than Sleepy Joe!) and Phony Kamala (no rhyme here) and declaring how they would literally burn America to the ground like the raging socialists they were. The kindest email about this was from Vice President Mike Pence, who at least used their names and addressed Harris as Senator Harris, though he did warn that she would allow for Abortion on Demand (with that odd capitalization). Oh, and also burning America’s liberal-run cities.

Trump even went so far as to break out his extensive vocabulary.

Kamala Harris is the meanest, most horrible, most disrespectful, MOST LIBERAL of anyone in the U.S. Senate, and I cannot believe that Joe Biden would pick her as his running mate.

Everything we’re fighting for is on the line right now, Amy.

These two corrupt career politicians have made it clear that they want to protect sanctuary cities, protect criminals, take away your Second Amendment rights, and DESTROY America.

I’m calling on my best supporters to step up to the front lines and FIGHT BACK. This is SO important that I’ve upped the stakes.

Donald J. Trump, President of the United States

This was in an actual email signed by the actual President of the United States. All it was missing was a poop insult to have been written by a five-year-old.

Trump was really desperate to make sure I knew how bad Harris was, emailing me over and over and over again, sometimes the same email he had sent less than two hours previously, sometimes forwarding me an email he had just sent. He really needed to drive it home how mean and horrible and disrespectful and LIBERAL this team was.

Harris, Trump declared, was even more progressive than Bernie Sanders. She was also horribly weak on crime.

But while I was reading his emails, could I send him a donation? I’d get to claim this participation trophy.

2020 Trump MVP
Just kidding. He didn’t tell me I’d get the trophy.

Trump summed it up in one preheader: “Joe and Kamala…a match made in liberal hell.”

Wouldn’t liberal hell be a couple like Trump and Pence?

And liberal heaven would have been Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.

I guess Biden/Harris is just a match made in liberal realistic-on-Earth, which is exactly what we need right now.

This bar is rising so fast.

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